You thought your family was bad!

OMG, have you ever seen this show? Since I have been an oinker (swine flu victim) for the past two days, I have been constantly sitting in front of the TV, with frequent puke breaks. I found my way to the lifetime channel to the insane show "Wifeswap." I knew this show existed, but I never took the time to watch it. Well, lifetime has blessed my life with 5 hour marathons of this social experiement for the past two days. I mean if you thought your family was weird or strange- check this show out. I am officially addicted.

For those of you who have never seen the show before, here are the dynamics:

1. The show chooses families that are on the most extreme opposite ends of the spectrum and the wives from the two families switch places for two weeks.

2. The first week they have to obide by the families rules- whether they like it or not.

3. Then there is a "Rule Ceremony" where the new wife gets to enforce her new set of rules that the family MUST obide by.

4. The family lives by these rules for the next week with much protest, arguments, and even pushing brawls.

5. Finally, the family bends their insane rules and adapts these new rules with open arms to give everyone involved the Cindarella happy ending.

6. Once the couples are reunited with their significant other the two couples come together at the "judgement table." At this table everyone gets all of their final emotions/judgements out on the table. This table usually results in either screaming or tears. (I prefer screaming- way more entertaining).

7. After the screaming and crying is over these disfunctional families somehow find it in their hearts to hug one another then go on their seperate ways.

8. The show then visits the families two weeks later to see if the other wife has rubbed off on the family at all, which normally SOMETHING rubs off. But you would be surprised how often the families go back to their old crazy ways!

I cannot believe the families in this monstrosity. Every hour I watch I just think to myself, it cannot get any worse than the last family, and to my surprise- IT DOES. Here is a quick recap of some of the families, these are my personal favorites (when I say favorites, I mean the craziest, weirdest family that I cannot get out of my mind):

Experiment Family A. The family has their own motorcross/danger traveling bike show. They live in a hotel 11 months a year. They have two boys 13 & 15 who are the stars of the show. The mom stands in the middle of "the cage" while her boys circle around her in the death stunt with their motorcycles. She will go to all lengths to make sure her boys are happy. She rubs them down nightly to make sure they sleep soundly after a show. She orders them prime ribs every night to make sure they are well nourished- etc. etc. etc. The dad is the most country bumpkin, hick guy. Who when the new wife forces him to be a vegetarian he gets on his horse and hikes 3 miles into town to the nearest McDonalds for every meal. He did not allow the new wife to stay in his house because she is a "negative person" (ie. she KNOWS what 2+2 equals).

The switch family- They always encourage a tranquil and peaceful environment amogst their kids. The wife, Pam, is an artist and she begins every day with journaling. Her kids know not to bother her while she is journaling, if they do they are grounded. All three of her children, 2 girls and a boy, share a bedroom so she has room for her art studio. But, she does not sell her art, she just uses it as an outlet of all of her stress. They are a very green family, so she drives the hybrid car to a gallery she volunteers at every day, while her husband and three kids ride their bikes 5 miles to and from work and school everyday. Her kids idea of fun is going in the backyard and trying to break a rock with a golfclub into little pieces. The father thinks this is the most exciting thing in the world.

Ya'll I want to go on, but I have to go to bed. But please just listen to the details about this family and then go and give your mother, father, child, husband a huge hug from being so so so normal!!!

Oink Oink

Stear clear of the Ferguson household- I've got the swine flu. Honestly, not all it's cracked up to be. I started feeling sick on Monday night, woke up Tuesday feeling like death, and today was a little better but not much. I am sure I will head back to work tomorrow, but with about 160 kids out at my school it does not sound like the most inviting environment.
One of my girlfriends told me there were 414 kids out at our high school. This stuff is spreading like wildfire. I just hope my little angel does not get it. I mean with teaching and coaching, it was inevitable that I would get it, but I could not imagine my little girl having to go through this crap. All I can say is wash wash wash, sanitize sanitize sanitize, and pray pray pray you do not catch the wrath of the swine.

My How Things Have Changed

This past weekend Bill, Ryan, and I traveled to Birmingham to go to my friend Chris' wedding. We weren't sure if we were going to make it because Ryan was running a fever all night Friday and all day Saturday. We both had an extremely long Saturday, I had two soccer games- one at 7:30 one at 10:30. Bill was at home trying to take care of a sick baby. To top it off we were planning on driving to the Ham around 3:30. Well we made the trip, got to the wedding 5 minutes before it started, and said hello to all of our long lost friends. It was not 10 minutes into the hour long catholic ceremony before I heard some peculiar noises coming from Ryan's diaper. Bill and I had already planned our escape route. We intentionally sat in the back row so my clicking heels would not echo as loudly throughout the massive cathedral. So I took off to the bathroom, changed Ryan, and headed back to my seat. My friend Charlie just turned to me and said- I freaking heard that. I said yeah you should have seen it.

Well, I spoke a little too soon. About 5 minutes later Ryan was munching on the wedding program when she suddenly looked up at me. I like to call this face the I'm sorry mom, I am about to poop all over you face- and that she did. The noises came full force and out came the poop from all areas of her diaper and outfit all over my dress. So I could have handled this situation two ways, I could have been really pissed off, or I could have laughed about it and taken the little pooper to the bathroom to get her all clean- I took option 2. At least I opted to buy the purple and black dress instead of the white and grey. Now that sucker would have stained.

All of my single and newly married friends were just looking at me like, ahh poor girl. Little do they know this has come a part of my daily life. Now don't get me wrong, I do not ENJOY being pooped on by my daughter- but in all honesty it doesn't bug me either. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I cannot smell, but still it does not bother me. Just typing these words has made me realize that I have officially transitioned out of my post college phase into mommy phase. I was wondering what action or experience would smack me in the face and shift me into this mode, and I guess all it took was a little poo. I just felt like a mom- and I think Bill felt like a dad too. We were proudly toting Ryan around the reception, visiting with old friends, and talking all about her feeding schedule. This topic was not our choice, but it was all people could talk about- and you know, I enjoyed telling them. I was so into the show and tell about Ryan that I missed the lead out, the first dance, the cake cutting, the toasts, the bouquet & garter toss, and actually talking to the bride and groom. So basically I was at a party, with a lot of booze, non of which I consumed, talking about Ryan-ummmmm yeah I would say things have changed.

Since the reception turned out to be lamo for me I told Bill I just wanted to get home. So we decided to leave B'ham at 12:30 and head back to Auburn. On the way home I told Bill I really did not feel like I was at a wedding, and he said oh really I talked to the bride and groom three times at least, I even got a picture. Man, the things you miss when you're changing a diaper.

We're Alive

I cannot believe how long it has been since I posted. We still do not have internet at the house, so there is my excuse. Just wanted to let everyone know we are still in the process of rennovating our house, but man is it looking good. We are now on the prowl to find a used pool table- so if you know anyone- let me know. We just have the perfect spot for it! Bill's brother & his girlfriend are coming in town today to help out, I think I will give them a painting job. My whole family just left after being here for the weekend- they worked like dogs! Our house is really coming together, I cannot wait for the finished product.

On another note, Ryan started her first day of daycare yesterday. SHE LOVED IT! Bill and I both took her and we walked around her room, met her teacher, introduced her to her crib. All the while I felt like she was thinking, "MOOOOMMMM DADDDDDD leave me alone, I'm fine."
As soon as we put her down she was playing and laughing and having a ball. I called around 10:30 and they said she took a small nap, but does not want to miss anything. When we went to pick her up she was PASSED OUT on the bumpy chair with an arm and a leg hanging off the chair. She went to bed last night at 7:15 and woke up at 6:00. I love that child!

UGH!!

Can I just click my heels three times and suddenly be moved?

Vanilla

Friday night Bill and I had the absolute joy of traveling with our amazing friends, the Adams family, to Columbus, Ga for some good eatin!! Let me explain, Jill's brother, Mark, travels to Columbus quite often with a group of friends to indulge in this fabulous hole in the wall restaurant, Hunter's Pub. Well, this Friday Jill invited us to tag along, and tag we did. We left around 6 and got there right after 7. Let's just say this is the kind of place where you do not wait in the lounge for your table- you tailgate in the parking lot until you are seated. It only took about 15 minutes to get all 20 of us in, and man was it worth the wait. I had the night's special, Cajun grilled Halibut on a bed of seaweed salad with their famous mashed potatoes and fried mushrooms on the side. It was DELICIOUS!! And if the main course was not enough we each ended our meal with a piece of homemade peanut butter pie, I had to take mine home because I was so stuffed. It was a great time had by all, but I will have to say my favorite part of the trip was the ride there and back in the VANILLA.

Okay, so the Adams family has this amazingly huge conversion van that they take road trips in. This massive white transport has been named the Vanilla- it even says it on their license plate! Now I do not have a picture of the exact van, but here is something to get a picture in your mind.

So anyways, this van is equipped with these awesome compartments all over the place, for example: First Aid, trash, VCR, and my personal favorite Nintendo Accessories. The vanilla also has amazing runway lights and an back bench that converts into a bed- by remote. If you ask Jill & Jason, it is the only way to travel. I think I love the vanilla so much because it brings back childhood memories of our own Conversion van- the green monster. Anyways, when Bill and I stepped into the vanilla Jill had grapes, carrots and dip, cheese and crackers, and bugles for our appetizers. Now she is always labeled the best cook/host- but hor dourves on wheels- Awesome! The trip down was all about eating and anticipating more eating once we got to Hunters, but the ride back was DANCE PARTY!! I think I will let the pictures explain!


First thing's first. Cover your sleeping child with the blanket you brought from home. Oh wait we are forgetful parents and did not bring a blanket so we had to make do with Jill's wallet, Ryan's emergency blowout outfit, and her diaper case (hey she slept the whole way home)!


Our dance party was so intense that we even involved the driver! Nice timing Jason


Jill and I had to collect the lost clothing in the van, which surprinsingly ended up on Jill's head. But for anyone who knows Bill knows that he is not a man who enjoys wearing his shirt. For those of you who have ever met Bill knows that he has a great tendency to sweat. Those two things together result in a shirtless Bill!!!

Jason got us home safe and sound and this picture just had to be captured...

Bill & Jill - the coolest cats on the block!

JoJo

Naked baby getting ready for her bath!
Last week I had my final soccer camp of the summer- Hallelujah! It was my advanced camp, so I had all of my thunder kids out there. I had a great time getting to know them a little better and I am so pumped about the upcoming season. Fortunately I was able to work camp because my fabulous mother-in-law came to watch Ryan for the week. JoJo followed Bill and I home on Sunday afternoon and spoiled Ryan every minute while she was here until Friday morning (when she left). She played with her all day long, took care of her in the evenings, got her ready for bed, and even woke up with her at night- I mean I truly felt what it was like to have a nanny around the house. Ryan loved every minute of her time with JoJo as well. Thank you so much for coming in town Jolie, we had a great time!